You can probably tell from the twitter summaries taking over my blog that I haven’t had much time to properly sit back to write. While some bloggers feel guilty if they don’t blog, I don’t because blogging is really about me. I try hard not to let things like traffic and page ranks turn my blog into a burden. Of course, once in a while(when I get into the mood), I’ll just blog a ton of stuff before I…well…disappear. Heh.

Anyway, the year has been rather bittersweet. I’m learning quite a bit about responsibility – it’s often really hard to do the right thing. I’ve seen my father have to do the right thing and how it hurt him so badly before he received his vindication. I’ve watched my mom do what needed to be done to follow through on a plan so that the family would be kept together. And well, I’ve had a taste of how it’s like to have people depend on me for more than just a paycheck.

I don’t particularly think it’s been a great year although I said before that I could feel that year is the year when great things would happen. Perhaps, it’s the second half that will determine if my gut feelings can be trusted.

What is it that motivates people to live? Ironically, it’s been a question that I’ve been pondering about and brought to the forefront of my thoughts when Stephanie asked me yesterday, “How do you constantly motivate urself?” Truth is, I’m not always motivated.

Kah Wee had asked me something a few days ago that I guess adds fuel to my thoughts – “Do you feel good when you work longer? Like does it make you feel more accomplished?” It was an interesting question because I used to feel good about it. I used to like to know that I was actually doing more by sacrificing playtime and maybe even sleep time. It felt like I was getting ahead of the pack. But now, more often than not, I’m just trying to meet deadlines. Despite knowing that I need to step back once in a while to remind myself of the bigger picture, it seems like there’s no time to stop.

So I decided to stop. Well, I decided to slow down. And then after submitting a proposal about 2 hours ago, I’ve decided to stop.

I’ve spent my birthday in the company of really fine people(although there are more who are currently overseas). And Sunday, I caught up on sleep and celebrated my birthday with my parents and grandparents. Heh, ok, so I spent 3 days celebrating…but hey! My birthday is a major thing ok?

Today I’ve decided to spend time with myself. After this, I’m going to catch Sex and The City at 1pm and I want to catch another movie after that but Iron Man’s not showing everywhere anymore and there’s only a 9pm slot left. I could catch What Happens in Vegas at 4.30pm but I’m not sure if I want to. I guess we’ll see how it goes later. I want to take a walk around Suntec and see what new stuff is around. And I want to do this all alone.

I want to buy a new game. I also want to buy some new books to read. It’s also about time to get a new journal which reminds me that I saw this really nice one at Novena Square MPH but thought I didn’t need one yet…Should have just bought it then.

It’s going to be a nice slow day today.

I like.

I’m not sure if I should be glad that I wrote what I wrote. It’s terrible that there’s this unmentionable silence that has filled the void that used to exist. Yet, I’m glad that I can be somewhat honest again because at least now the unmentionable has a face. a voice. a form. Perhaps all it needs now…is a name. “Perhaps” is such a loaded word.