In recent months, I’ve been thinking a lot about the make-up of my social circles and the impact they have on me – how does it influence the way I behave, how I feel, what I think about? And I’ve come to a broader reminder that you can either be passive and be swept by the current of the circles around you or you can swim to where the current takes you to be where you intend to go.

They’re both kind of the same really.

The difference is in the intent – the knowing of where you want to go and how badly you want to get there. In the former, you give power to the current to decide where you land. In the latter, you’re willing to move between and maybe even against it to be in the part of the current that moves you in the right direction.

Problem is, it’s difficult to do the latter.

Navigating the current

First, you have to spend time and energy figuring out your destination. This alone makes many feel uncomfortable. Initially, some of us are forced to face the fact that we don’t know where we want to go. This inadequacy might be enough to turn some people off from continuing the exercise. But assuming you dare to give yourself some room, daring to set a destination opens up many more questions.

• Is it a reasonable goal?
• Am I good enough to get there?
• What do I need to know and have to be able to get there?
• Who can support me?
• What if no one supports me?
• What if I fail?
• What else do I not know?

If one hadn’t already dropped out earlier, this subsequent list of questions tends to overwhelm many and they drop out here.

And this is where being resolute/stubborn/stupid/naive/etc (choose whatever combination of words that allows a person to ignore reason and move through uncertainty) moves you along.

Moving through the current is uncomfortable

Ok so now that you know where you want to go, the really hard part actually begins.

If you’re lucky, you look around you and realise you’re in the company of exactly the right kind of people and supported by the right resources and systems to get you where you wanted to go. Lucky you. Go live your good and happy life.

For everyone else, you’ll realise that you’re in the part of the current that’s probably working against you in both small and big ways (the people are self-limiting, want different things from you, your environment is geared towards something else, etc). And the only way to change this, is to move and leave behind what feels familiar and isn’t aligned. And this is hard because it means finding a different group of people to spend time with (and make the current group feel like you’ve abandoned them). It means disagreeing with the ideas and thoughts of the current people around you. It means functioning differently from how you’ve always been validated to function. Sometimes, it even means physically moving to a different place – losing everything that felt like home.

Is it worth it?

So why does it matter that we get to a destination of our choosing?

The reasons probably differ from person to person so I can only say this for myself – It matters because, to me, a thoughtful and intentional choice of one’s destination should reflect a place where a person believes they would thrive – to be impactful, authentic and happy.

And if so, this would be a position from where a person could most maximally impact the lives of the people they care about while feeling the satisfaction and joy for their own lives.